Okay so. Let me tell you what actually happened the last four or five months, because if you've been watching my content you've probably been like "did Lauren quit coaching to become a fitness/Carnival influencer?" No. But also, kind of, for a minute, I get why it looked that way…

Detailing the step-by-step thought process and actions I took in order to take the biggest risk of my life...while dragging my family along.

I knew I was different, but I didn’t know why. The day I learned was the day I released the weight of a pain I had been carrying for as long as I could remember but didn’t know I was carrying.

This wasn’t my fault.

Can you relate? Maybe “hate” is a strong word, but if it isn’t, why am I so often adverse to it? Especially when I know what possibilities exist on the other side of it. More time. Less confusion. More awareness. Less resentment.

So how do you…ask for help?

I once had a colleague tell me that he never pays attention to how many women or people of color are in the room. He was proud to tell me this because it was supposed to suggest that he was color blind or not sexist. I thought to myself how incredible it must be to never feel like you need to look for validation that you belong somewhere. Especially since the first grade when I moved from a predominantly ethnic neighborhood into a predominantly white neighborhood. To never walk in and ask the question “am I supposed to be here?” I didn’t know how to not carry that weight, and more so, I didn’t know how much it was dragging me down.

You know you are stepping outside your comfort zone when the voices inside your head amplify in hopes to stop you. Stop you from taking risks because our brains are hardwired to be risk averse. It’s what keeps us alive. As I continuously find myself on the edge of doing scary sh*t, I know I have the choice to listen to those voices when I can’t seem to hear anything else or make a different choice. This is where I’m at today.

How do you find balance? It’s the question I am asked the most often. But balance is a moving target. Sometimes only achieved in short spurts just to be disrupted again by challenge and discomfort. So, it really “balance” that we should be in pursuit of? I learned a new word last year. The word is “grace”, and I am slowly learning to give it and to be okay with requesting it.

This is a tough one to write…and to share. Sure, we can all attest to areas where we fall short as parents. But what happens when that thing you fall short in is the one thing you’re supposed to be really, really good at?

I’ve been keeping a secret from you all for the past 3 months. I’m finally ready to let you all in on it, even though it scares me…just a little.

I’m finally starting to feel like my best self and the 4:30 am start time has been my ticket of admission. For those people who ask me how I fit it all in (a career, a family, a business, fitness, marriage) . I break it all down in this blog post.