4 Words that Started It All: “You Should Do That!”

For those of you who have been following me for the past few years, you would remember a blog that I launched back in 2018 called “Rebuilding Lauren”. This was a blog that I dedicated to figuring myself out at a time when I seemingly “had it all”. A great career, a great family, beautiful friendships, and I lived in a community that was the envy of everyone I knew. But there was a missing piece to it all…purpose.

You see, I am a graduate of Ryerson University’s Radio & Television Arts program, which is the most prestigious program in Canada for broadcasting. Those who graduated were considered “creme de la creme” in the broadcasting and media industry. I graduated and found myself with my dream career of licensing urban music to film and television while building a boutique record label. Suddenly shit went sideways and I had to make ends meet by taking on odd temp jobs. I went from negotiating and writing contracts for Masters to ordering the office lunch (I know I’m glossing over this part but it was actually one of my darkest times. I couldn’t make eye contact without tearing up).

Fast forward the next 10 years and I had moved myself up the ladder from Junior Project Manager to being one of four Black Directors in Canada’s largest telecommunications company. I wasn’t doing anything close to my passion in media and entertainment, but alas, there was hope! This company also owned the #1 Canadian media outlet. Naturally, I would just cross over (so I thought).

Unfortunately, as I continued to move up in my career, the possibility of “crossing over” became more and more unlikely. I expanded my network, made friends with the heads of talent, and interviewed for any open Director position. As much as everyone was a fan of my leadership and acknowledged my excellent transferrable skills, the fact was that I had no recent experience in the media field so I continued to be passed over with the line “you’re doing all the right things!”

Meanwhile, on the West Coast, my sister’s brand, Shared Entertainment was growing beyond her capacity, and she was struggling to find anyone with creative abilities, project management, business acumen, and well….common sense. Without help, she and Jared were finding it difficult to grow the business. We both told each other our tales of our frustration and jokingly said, “doesn’t it suck that we are exactly what each other needs but we live on different ends of the continent?”

This was as far as the brainstorming ever went. Sure, being together and working together would be fantastic, but let’s face it. I had a career, a pension, benefits, stocks, an annual bonus, kids in school, and a home 10 minutes from my parents and my husband’s mother. You don’t risk all of that for “wouldn’t it be fantastic” right?

I took my frustrations to my Executive Coach, hoping to leave our session with a new approach to networking, or permission to take a demotion so that I could get the experience I needed in media. He listened, he asked questions, and at the end of the session I slipped in “oh yeah and there’s this other thing about moving to California that is nagging at me.” Once I provided a little more context, he got real quiet and said “I’m going to take my Coaching hat off now and tell you something: you should do that!”

It was the end of our session and I couldn’t help but continuously hear the haunting of those words whispering at me. For the next year, I would keep trying the networking angle, kept applying for new positions, kept having the career conversations to figure out “what’s next?”. Still, those words never left me.

We all have it. That nagging whisper that lets us know that we need to do something different. Whether it be starting that passion project we've been thinking about for years, but never get around to; finding time in our "busy" lives to fit in self-care or healthier habits to finally lose that excess weight; leveling up in our careers or changing our careers altogether because…well this can't be it!

But knowing that we should do something never seems to be enough to get things done. So…we stand still by just going through the motions in our lives. We stand still because maybe now isn't the right time. We stand still because we don't seem to have the time. We stand still because there are others in our lives who currently require our undivided attention so we will just need to wait. We stand still because we feel that we should be grateful the life that we have and wanting more for ourselves is just…greedy…selfish…unjustified…maybe even unsupported.

Unfortunately, the standing still doesn't stop or even quiet that whisper. In fact, it tends to get louder as resentment builds inside of us. Resentment towards our work because we feel under appreciated and unfulfilled. Resentment towards our loved ones because even though we continuously put them first, we don't seem to be as high on their priority list. Resentment toward ourselves because we continuously fail on our self-promises to do something and see it through. I broke down crying one day in early January because I wanted nothing more than the screaming to cease. Just let me be okay with keeping things status quo. Let me just be okay with “safe”.

This is where my shift began…

My family and I posing in front of the Hollywood sign on the roof of an LA Home Depot (December 2018).