6 Weeks is too long to stay in LA
(and not question why you don’t live every day of your life there)
Alright so the seed was planted (read previous blog). But so what? Seeds get planted every day. You need more than just dissatisfaction with where you are in order to water and grow that seed. You need vision. A vision that you can see, feel, taste, and embody to the point where you honestly have a difficult time thinking of your life any other way. That’s exactly what last December was all about.
The pandemic kept my sister and I away from each other’s company for longer than we had ever been apart. Add to that, she was expecting her first child. Though she had the love and support of her incredible husband, his west coast family, and her west coast friends…it was not what I had envisioned. She was with me for every step of both of my pregnancies. We even wandered the IKEA isles together while I (unknowingly) was in early labor with my first born, Kairo. Now my being there for her seemed impossible with the constantly changing COVID-19 cross-border rules and regulations. Cross out ‘impossible’, and insert, ‘irresponsible’. What would it mean to my family if I left? How would people view me if I was so reckless as to travel to Los Angeles, an epicenter, during the height of the second COVID wave?
I began to accept that my being there for my sister would not happen. That mindset shift happened when Shan called me after a taping of her show “Sexology”. She told me that she had a guest on the show by the name of Lauren and that she could barely get through introductions without breaking down into tears over the fact that the Lauren in front of her wasn’t her family. It was at that point where I prioritized my sister above all else. Above other people’s perceptions, the risks or the scary travel logistics. I was going to be with her and support her during this time in her life.
I arrived in Los Angeles without my family to throw Shan and Jared the baby shower that they deserved and stayed for 2 weeks. This would be the longest I had ever been without my husband and children. During my stay, purely because I did not have the distraction of caring for my own tiny humans, I was able to devote my time and energy to connecting with my sister, my brother-in-law, and my mother in ways that we hadn’t had the opportunity before. I also had the chance to connect with their friends, who were these incredible and inspiring creatives. So young and successful in their fields and….people of color. I know that might seem weird of me to say, but I have been living 24/7 in the company of white success for so many years, I didn’t even realize how foreign Black success was to my world. Being around it, I felt….different….free….unmasked….unguarded…like an exhale I had been holding onto for 10 years was finally being released.
When I arrived back in Canada, I spoke to Chris about it and tried to pick apart exactly why the different felt different. Saying to him that I couldn’t articulate it but something was there that I haven’t felt in a very long time. He would probably have to be there himself to understand it.
4 weeks later, I arrived back in Los Angeles with my whole family in tow so that we could spend the holidays together as the Bradys x Morrisons. I used to think that seasonal depression was a myth…but if you guys could have seen the transformation in mood this man had…you would be a believer too. Chris had never spent this length of time in Los Angeles and woke up every day like a different person. Every day of sun turned my sometimes-crotchety husband (I said “sometimes” Chris…in case you are reading this and get upset. You can at least agree with “sometimes!”) into a beam of positivity and light. Down for everything. Every glass of wine was like the best glass of wine he had ever tasted. He knew that he too was now different. I was skeptical of his change at first and questioned if this was all an act…but he didn’t break character for 4 whole goddamn weeks!
It got to the point where Chris wanted to explore other neighborhoods just to see what different pockets of LA had to offer. We had no intentions at the time, only curiosity. Would we fit here? Enter real estate agent extraordinaire, Shay Davis, and her husband, Justin Davis (Enjoy the Podcast and Who Can Relate Podcast?") who not only offered to drive us into neighborhoods that might suit our lifestyles, but actually arranged to walk us through the homes!
THIS was the turning point! The moment when we walked into a home and said….we see it! THIS makes sense! THIS was a life we could see ourselves in! THIS was were we could see our kids growing up! THIS was where we could see large gatherings and BBQs! THIS was where my children and Ryu would have birthday parties! THIS was where memories were going to be made.
THIS is what scared me. I knew that I was experiencing the high of a fantasy….but I also knew that very shortly, I would return to Toronto. I would get back to regular life. The comfort of our reality would set in and THIS would be just another thing that was nice to think about for a time.
What would our life look like 6 months from now if we changed nothing? I knew that answer. I knew what job I would have, I knew what I would do with my summer. But what if we took just one action in the other direction?